Explaining dementia to a child

It will be difficult trying to explain this to a child, as we cannot see our brains, it is difficult for a child to understand an illness that can impact a brain. As with any illness, a child is likely to react with concern to the news that their loved one is ill. This can also be quite troubling if it relates to an early onset dementia disease that impacts one of their parents. However young they are, remember that children are very adaptable and they do tend to absorb and understand a lot of information. The key is to give them as much support as you can and allow them the ability to ask questions. Give them the right information and don’t allow any doubts to creep in and allow them to speak to you or a trusted person, whenever they need to.

Make it easy for them to understand

Don’t overcomplicate the conversation with complicated words or phrases that they are not going to understand. The last thing you want to do is to make them confused, this is when other emotions such as anger or anxiety can kick in. 

Talk about our amazing brains, ask them questions, to get them thinking about how they make things work, like knowing which shoes to put on the right feet, or which order to put their clothes on. This helps them to engage or understand with what might be happening when dementia impacts cognitive thinking.

Get them extra support

Despite all the talking that you do and the support that you may give them at home, there may still be times when they are not with you, that they begin to become worried, or that the concerns start to set in. Make sure you tell their teacher so that they can support them in and around the classroom. If they are facing any challenges with other pupils at school, these may become blown out of proportion because of the way they are feeling about the dementia diagnosis. It is natural for them to feel worried or concerned and as long as they know that they have someone that they can speak with, it will help them to know that they have support all around them. It might even be worth telling some of the other parents at school, they may encourage their children to be more supportive at school and to know to help out, if something is wrong. Tell your child that it is better to share how they are feeling, rather than to keep it inside.

It’s not your fault, nor is it contagious

Sometimes with illnesses, children can assume that it is their fault. Particularly if they remember that they may have shouted at you once, or said something unkind. Even if they have not mentioned anything, it is really important to remind them gently that it is not their fault. While you are doing this, it is also important to inform them that it isn’t contagious either, that they can’t catch it. Young minds can work overtime, particularly when they are away from us, such a bedtimes or in school. It is important to give them enough facts, in an age appropriate way, so that they understand, rather than too little. 

Keep talking and allow them to help out

Children love being able to do things and get involved. It can help them to feel like they are being helpful, so maybe they can help choose some clothes for you to wear or help you with unloading the dishwasher or out in the garden. If you carry out these activities together, it can help you both to keep talking. 

It is important to keep that open dialogue going because a quiet child can often be worrying over what is happening. Remind them that it is okay to be quiet, but not okay to keep things inside. They should feel comfortable to talk about what is worrying them and not keep it bottled up. Hugs and reassurance work well while reminding them that they can talk to you or a trusted person, whenever they need to. 

Books and resources

There are many books and online resources that can help with explaining dementia to a child, which focuses on different age groups. Some of them are written about grandparents with dementia, so if you are explaining early onset dementia to them, you might want to take some of the ideas from the books. There are also online guides and resources from children who have gone through the process, which include tips for parents when discussing their dementia diagnosis.