Getting a dementia patient to understand a death

Death and bereavement are part of the human experience. We all have our own grieving process, however, dealing with loss in dementia care often poses additional challenges. Depending on their relationship with a loved one, patients may struggle to process loss, so it’s important you approach this matter while bearing in mind the effects of the disease. 

Breaking the news

As a carer or a family member, you’re committed to offer the best dementia care support possible. When it comes to the passing of a loved one, many are unsure whether it’s best to inform the person with dementia or avoid upsetting them. Most experts suggest that being honest with the patient is the best approach, however, depending on circumstances and progression of the disease, it may not necessarily help. It’s not always appropriate to tell people about death of a loved one if they’re in the late stages of dementia. If you’re unsure, speak to a dementia care support worker or doctor. Keep in mind that loss of memory doesn’t mean loss of emotion and the person in dementia care will be able to pick up on your own sadness or absence of a loved one. If telling them is appropriate, don’t delay or try to distract them, as this will increase agitation and anxiety. Make sure the patient is well rested and in a comfortable setting when they hear about the loss. Use body language and support them with a cuddle or hold their hand, if appropriate. Try to use short sentences and avoid euphemisms such as ‘passed away’, as they can be misinterpreted. Be prepared to answer questions and repeat information, however, if processing your own grief is getting too much, ask for friends and family to share the load or identify another person who can help. If your initial approach is causing too much upset, try again in a different way. 

The process of bereavement

Being involved with funeral arrangements and planning may help getting a dementia patient to understand bereavement. Try to give them some simple tasks and make them feel included. The funeral process is full of reminders that could help them come to terms with loss and eliminate denial. You may think that getting them involved with the funeral and attending the service is a bad idea, however, there are plenty of cues in such settings that remind people with dementia how to conduct themselves through the process. Making them a part of it will assist in processing grief, accepting loss of a loved one and solidifying their death in their memory. You can help them further by sharing memories and photos, as well as visiting the burial place together. 

After the funeral

Looking after loved one once they have experienced grief can pose added challenges. You may need to repeat the information to them over the coming weeks. Over time, that may prove unsuccessful. You can try other methods like picking up on their emotion when they’re asking about a loved one and responding to it. Did their spouse used to make them their cup of tea every morning, so that’s the time of day they’re searching for them? Try to fill that void, ask them what their partner would do and help them with the task. Speak about their loved ones in past tense and share your grief with dementia patient. Most importantly, ensure all friends and family members adopt the same approach to avoid confusion. Don’t forget to look after your own health and wellbeing, as it is important your needs are also met during this trying time.

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