How to help a dementia patient with moving

Dementia patients will already be struggling with anxiety because of the impact of the condition on their ability to carry out tasks as they used to. This can make them all the more determined to make their own decisions and they can become fractious should they feel that anyone is making a decision for them or that they have less control over decisions. So if you are going to have a conversation with them about moving home, then you need to be prepared for some anxiety or perhaps even anguish over the subject. Try to pick a calm place to have this discussion. If you have been giving lasting power of attorney and have had to make the difficult choice to move the dementia patient, you need to plan ahead as much as possible. Telling them on the day of the move will not do much for their anxiety and could create a difficult situation for you. On the flip side, you may find that you have to keep reminding them and repeating to them that they are moving. 

Helping them to move

Try taking the patient to the care home or the new sheltered housing environment, so that they can see it beforehand. See if you can arrange for a couple of visits, or even discuss with the care provider about them being able to spend a short amount of time in the facility, if this is possible, so that they can start to become a little more familiar with the environment.  A bit like you would with a child having a settling in day within a new school, see if the care provider is able to offer something similar. At the very least if they can visit the place with you several times, and meet with the staff it will be less of a challenge on the moving day. 

Moving can be a stressful process and if they are aware of the move, they may be struggling with the challenges of selling a house. Not only is there the upheaval, the moving away from memories, the boxing up of belongings, there are the more stressful parts that we all hate about moving. Will I actually sell and what if I cannot get the information the buyer’s solicitor are demanding. You should support them as much as possible and if you aren’t already see if they will make you power of attorney so that you can deal with all of the stressful parts of the moving process and the communication part with the solicitor and estate agent. We cover what a power of attorney is here.

Helping them to settle in

When they make the move, it is important to make sure that they are taking some sentimental and meaningful items with them. This will be easier if they are moving into sheltered housing which still enables them to live independently. However if they are moving to a care home, their options are more limited. At a bare minimum, a series of photo albums are important, as we treasured photos in frames, favourite duvet covers or quilts that have can have a meaning to them, or something that they recognise from their home environment. Smells and favourite foods as well as music choices are all important information to provide to the care home provider, especially if they can support the patient with things that feel familiar to them. Again during an anxious time, supporting the patient with sensory activities to reduce their anxiety or the feeling of touch, so hugs, hand massages, can build that bond of trust and helps them to feel connected, supported and cared for. This also helps them to feel valued, which is very important in dementia care.

Helping them to make friends

If the patient has moved to a new area to be closer to family members who can look after them, then they may be feeling vulnerable and lost at the prospect of living in a new area, particularly if they have had to leave behind valued friendships. They may also be worried that they cannot make friends, because they cannot remember someone’s name and be fearful of upsetting people. One of the ways to help them to make new friends is to get them involved in local community support groups. They may be able to build friendships with people and discuss their concerns about their illness. So if they are still living independently, there may be some dementia community groups that meet each week, enabling them to meet other people who may be challenged by the disease, as well as meeting local care providers too. This can help them to feel more supported and confident. 

If they are struggling to get to know people in the care home, then speak to the care provider and see if there is someone who may have a common interest, such as the area they are originally from. As a care provider should get to know as much about the dementia patient and their personal history and story, they should know enough about the other patients to see if there is anything that might they might have in common. This may help to bring people together and build those friendships. Helping the patient to feel more relaxed and settled in their new environment will also help.  

Reassuring them about the decision

If you are finding that the dementia patient is now very reluctant about the move, then they may be feeling more anxious at the prospect of a new environment away from what they treasure and know. Perhaps you have had to make the decision for them, in which case they are even more unsure about the change. This can be a difficult conversation to have but they need love and support to help them during the moving and transition period. Remind them of the benefits of the move. Ask them questions, so that they feel like their opinions or reasons are being valued. Pick the right time to discuss this too. If you feel that they are becoming particularly agitated then reassure them and try and change the conversation for now, until a better time arises to discuss it. The key is to reassure, not fan anxious feelings.