Looking after your loved one and the impact on relationships

Looking after a person in dementia care can be challenging and put a strain on your relationship. The dynamic between you might be completely different compared to ‘pre-dementia’ and it becomes a tricky change to navigate. In this article, we talk about what to expect and how these adjustments can even have a positive impact on relationships.

Dementia and relationship strain

If you become a carer for someone with dementia, both of you might have difficulties adjusting to your new roles. For example, if you’re looking after your parent, it can be a difficult role reversal for both of you to accept. If a spouse becomes a carer, the relationship could feel less equal, and emotional communication and physical intimacy may suffer as a result. The dementia patient and their carer could struggle with their identities, as the relationship becomes more complex. Having to rely on someone for support makes it hard for the person with dementia and, equally, the care provider may no longer be able to rely on dementia sufferer in the way they did before.

Dementia and changing personality

Dementia patients can become irritable, exhibit challenging behaviours, forget the names of their loved ones, which can all lead to some people in their social circle alienating themselves. It’s important, as a carer, to embrace this challenging new time in your loved one’s life and provide them with the emotional support they need. Be aware that, while your loved one may become more difficult to communicate with, they are still the same person and are able to enjoy the same activities they used to, and even find new hobbies and interests. It helps to focus on the things they are able to do and, most importantly, moments you can share together, instead of the diagnosis and limitations of cognitive or physical deterioration. 

Tips for effective communication

A person in dementia care may experience difficulties communicating with you. There are ways to make this easier for them, by eliminating distractions and background noise, speaking slowly, using shorter sentences, giving them simple choices and offering plenty of time to respond. Do not ridicule the person, and avoid reminding them that they repeat themselves, as this leads to increased anxiety, frustration or isolation. It is helpful to find out what the dementia patient struggles with exactly, so you can assist them in those areas in particular. Your loved one can easily pick up on your own frustration and anger, so don’t neglect looking after yourself too, in order to continue taking care of them and face difficulties with a positive mind set.

Experiencing grief

Grief, anger and resentment can be common feelings experienced by carers and loved ones. This becomes especially prominent as the person’s dementia progresses and they remain physically present, but are not behaving emotionally in the same way they did before. Again, the people surrounding the dementia patient should be able to work through these emotions with the help of support groups or counselling. We talk about the emotions that you may feel as a carer following diagnosis here and how to deal with your emotions here. 

Positive impact on relationships

While dementia is a challenging disease for both the patient and their carer, there can be some positive aspects to the experience. This might be a chance for you to reconnect with a loved one and create a stronger bond. The new territory provides opportunities for finding new activities together and becoming more involved in their life. People in dementia care find it easier to reminisce on the past, so this may be a great way for you to relive cherished memories. Care work is mentally and physically challenging, but, witnessing first-hand how your influence has made your loved one’s life better, is a rewarding experience.

Make sure to savour the moments you spend with your loved one and remember the tremendous impact you have on helping them deal with their condition.