How to deal with a dementia patient who wants to go "home"

This can be a challenge, when a dementia patient keeps asking to go home. They may be asking because they have recently moved, or they could be asking because they no longer recognise the environment that they are in and long to see the childhood home that they remember or somewhere else. It can be challenging for you as their loved one or carer who has to try and support them as well as remind them that they are already home. There are ways to answer and address this, without starting an argument or tell them that they are being silly. If you think of it from their point of view, parts of their memories are being completely wiped, so their new world is quite frightening to them, especially when they no longer recognise what is around them. Imagine waking up in a room and having absolutely no idea where you are, convinced that the window was on the other side to the room. This can be a frightening experience for anyone. Try gently diverting the conversation, without making it too obvious that you are doing it. So don’t just talk over them and don’t get angry or tell them they are being ridiculous. 

Reassurance

If they are asking about going home, try to reassure them that they are at home. They may become particularly anxious if they are convinced that they should be somewhere else, which links to previous memories or an earlier part of their life. It might be that they have moved to a care facility or into a sheltered housing option and they are struggling to settle into the new place that they are living. Dementia patients do find it difficult to make new friends, so they will need lots of reassurance and support where they are. You can always work with the care provider to support them here. 

Sensory activities

It is important to be aware of calming methods that may work for the patient. For example, if they have a favourite song or type of music, then try and divert the conversation by playing some music, or singing together. Smells that are familiar to dementia patients or favourite foods might be worth trying, as these can help support the patient to feel less anxious about their confusion as to where they are, or why they are there. Perhaps you can do something together such as talking through old photographs to reassure them, it might help to trigger feelings about happy memories and they will feel supported in the current environment that they are in.

Safety and security

Often the anxiety will stem from the fact that the dementia patient does not feel very secure or safe in their environment because it is so unfamiliar to them. They are also battling with the challenges that dementia presents with them daily, which interferes with them being able to enjoy life as they once did. It is important to keep reminding them that they are safe and that they are cared for. This may need reiterating on a regular basis. Try and do something to promote the feeling of security also, even a hand massage with the sense of touch can help to keep a dementia patient calm for up to an hour afterwards and it helps you to feel connected to them through the sensory touch. 

Clear communication

Remember to keep talking to them though, and listen to what they have to say. The other element of anxiety is that the dementia patient does not feel listened to and if they struggle to communicate, they can feel frustrated that they cannot get across what they want to say. Try to help them with prompts or other ways of communicating to express how they are feeling. Make sure your communication is clear and look for ways in which they are trying to communicate back to you. 

Try and keep a log of when they are asking, is this at certain times of the day and what have they been doing? Is it later in the day and how active have they been that day? You might be able to identify certain times that this behaviour is being triggered. It could be that this anxiety is triggering sundowning behaviours. We cover this in more detail here.

Are they lonely?

The other reason for their anxiety and wish to leave their current environment is that they feel lonely. Dementia patients do not tend to find it easy to make friends in a new environment. They are more self conscious because of the changes within them and so they feel less confident about themselves. They are in a new area that is unfamiliar to them and they don’t have any particular emotion connected to it yet. Again this can make it more difficult for them to relax and make friends which can add to their anxiety. Or they may be within their home without much contact from people, or friends. Perhaps they feel anxious about going out and meeting people again because of their illness or they are worried about how they might get there and who they might meet. This fuels their feelings of loneliness. Talk to them to identify whether this is causing their anxiety and reason to “go home”.